The idea of being this disconnected worries me a great deal.  Much of my spiritual practice and beliefs come from a connection to the planet and her cycles.  Staying in sync with Mother Nature is what keeps me balanced and healthy in a world that is anything but. Maybe that’s the problem.  I have not been feeling very balanced or healthy lately. My eating habits have been teetering back and forth between healthful vegan bliss and all out junk food nausea.  My sleeping patterns are shot to hell.  I’m on and off at the gym.  This has been going on for a few months and I have been struggling to put my finger on the reason.  It would make sense that if I am so out of sync with nature’s balanced rhythm that I could miss the continual drop in temperature, the changing colors, and the blanket of leaves that keep settling on my car that eventually my own rhythms would suffer too.

In place of my usual practices of reading, walking, hiking, and spending time in nature, I have been focused on work.  Work, work, work.  When I come home from work I feel tired and frustrated and just want to decompress.  I have spent a lot of time streaming tv shows on Netflix.  I have become less active in general and have not spent much time doing the spiritual things that normally make me feel so fulfilled.  So now the question becomes, how do I become reconnected?  How do I re-establish that balanced connection with the All Mother?  I miss her.  I suppose I can start by spending more time in nature.  It’s a good thing I have a hike planned for this Monday.  Maybe it will be the natural shot in the arm that I need to right my world.

This is how I felt by the end of the year.

I don’t know about anyone else, but 2010 was a lousy year for me.  It seemed as if everything I knew and took for granted just fell apart.  In the wake of difficult times, I did what many people do.  I fell into a lot of bad habits and stopped taking care of myself physically and spiritually.  Of course, neglecting myself in such a way has made me feel worse, dragging me into a slump that I am finding hard to shake off.  Normally I look forward to the New Year as an opportunity to start over and to leave old troubles behind.  Filled with renewed energy and a optomistic view, I enjoy lengthy New Year planning rituals.  This year my mind and spirit have felt too heavy to look forward.  It’s as if I’m still dragging the hardships of the old year around, the proverbial albatross around my neck.  I’ve got to find a way to break this!  With Imbolc fast approaching, I can’t think of a better time of year to do a complete lifestyle cleansing.

As part of my Imbolc celebrations, I participate in Pagan Lent, a concept I first read about at School of the Seasons.  According to Waverly Fitzgerald, Pagan Lent is a time to make auspicious changes in our lives by giving up something that is obstructing us and inserting something we want.  I love this concept and have been participating in Pagan Lent for several years.  This year I am going on a lifestyle cleansing.  I will begin with a physical detox plan.  Currently I am researching a plan that will be both effective and safe.  In addition to cleansing my body, I plan to do some space cleaning and stress clearing.  In her fantastic book, Magical Housekeeping, Tess Whitehurst suggests clearing your house of anything that is unused, unloved, or carries memories of unhappy times.  I will be moving into a new apartment midway through the Lent season so this will be a perfect time to follow Tess’s advice.  Once I’ve cleared my body and home, I want to take some time to purify the mind and spirit too.  To this end I plan to introduce some much-needed relaxation activities.  I’m going to begin a daily meditation and yoga routine and make sure that I spend at least 15 minutes outside each day.  It may not sound like a lot, but in the dead of a New England winter, it may be the best I can do.

My goal is welcome the spring as a new person, rejuvenated and renewed.  Then maybe I can start making the most of this great New Year.

The first ten days were the hardest.  My friend was in constant pain and taking a wide variety of medication.  I was up many a night trying to comfort or console him.  Sometimes I had to make impromptu trips to the emergency room.  He was contrary and irritable (as I’m sure I would be), making it hard to keep the peace in a small house.  This is when I first started speaking to Hestia.  Hestia showed me how to be a conduit for healing energy.  I started using my hands to draw his pain away and down into the Earth while at the same time bringing healing Earth-fire up and into his body. Slowly calm and order began to reign in the house, for which I completely thank Hestia.

Oddly enough the hardest thing for me to deal with has been the cooking.  During the first four weeks of my friend’s recovery, his mother was here to help with the housework.  She was the primary cook.  A week ago she had to return to her home, leaving me to flex my newly developed culinary muscles.  At first the idea of coming up with new and delicious things to eat each day was daunting and stressful.  Then I sat down at the computer and with the help of some great websites found enough recipes to plan a week’s menu.  I was so proud when I read the menu off to my friend and his face lit up with anticipation.  Now I’m beginning to feel empowered in my new role as domestic goddess.  I can feel the positive power that comes from cleaning and organizing a space so that the energy flows well.  I find delight in combining healthy ingredients and creating something appetizing.  In fact, I believe that the magick and love that I put into maintaining this house is part of the reason my friend is healing so well.  Meanwhile, I am discovering a new and powerful part of myself and developing a whole new appreciation for stay-at-home parents!  Here’s to keeping the home fires burning.